11.10.2011

Weekly #9: A Dream - Epic Regrets of my Youth? A King's Speech!

[Preface: This turned out a little long, but I promise this is worth the read - Ken]

I had a dream last night where I was driving to class finals [despite finishing school years ago, I still get these dreams whenever deadlines approach]. On the way there, I found myself having to take an unfamiliar detour. And then one more. And then another one. I was merely following the detour signs and yet I was still lost. After looking at the clock and noticing that the test was starting (at 4pm - the Asian number symbolizing death/misfortune - for reals, I'm not making this up for the sake of drama), I abandoned my car and begin cycling towards my destination. At some point, I reached a fork and had to choose between a barren looking street and another street filled with people. I took the crowded route out of precaution, all the while thinking about what failing to show up meant - wasted time, wasted money spent for another semester ... it was apparently my last class and last finals before graduating.

I don't recall specifics here, but I also interacted with the people, asking for directions -
some pointed me to different places, some refused to answer. I found myself regretting the decision to follow this particular path. Upon an uphill climb, people begin asking me about my bike and suggested that I use a kick scooter. For whatever reason, I was now on a kick scooter navigating around. I felt defeated, but trekked on.  I finally reached an entrance of sorts that lead me to a culdesac (a dead end circular street). I sighed. But after circling the curve of the street back to the entrance, the road on which I arrived previously was completely different; I did not recognize it at all. And that's when I actually felt a little relieved and happy, and also found myself waking up with an astounding recollection of this dream. 

Compared to my usual random dream sequences that actually amuse me and give me something to think about on the drive to work, this one was downright somber and frighteningly simple to analyze (at first glance). Following set paths was obviously a negative, as was using the presence of people as an indicator, as was listening to their advice. Each conformative action simply led to an unfamiliar path (mixed with confusion and panic) and eventually, a dead end. Coming out the dead end and "resetting" the environment was kind of redeeming because it indicated to me that no matter what I did in the past, I could always start anew. The earlier feeling of regret experienced in the dream easily channels Robert Frost's poem, "The Road Not Taken." 

If this dream really was this straightforward, then the reason for it perplexes me. How this dream would apply to me right now, I simply would not know. While there are certain aspects of my youth that I do greatly regret, I definitely cannot say that I hate the place that I've arrived at. In fact, it would be the opposite feeling of hate - I absolutely enjoy almost everything about my life right now. Maybe this dream wasn't so simple afterall? What of the hostile and solitary emotions evoked by the images in this dream? *LIGHTBULB*

I'm left with but one conclusion, and thus, the real interpretation of this dream.  My subconscious mind must have felt my spirit wavering. Not about my own life, but about The King's Speech. Hearing that many folks around me actually liked the movie (the latest instance a few days ago), I might have began softening my stance towards it, if just even a tiny little bit. After all, I did mention that it had a promising start. But YES, here is my trusty psyche reminding me in dramatic fashion to not give in. "Do not listen to them!", my subconscious beckons.

"They can question my judgement all they want, it doesn't matter", my mind is reassuring me.  I can go into great detail about the true meaning of various parts of my dream, but I'll fast forward to the most important parts. The "culdesac" from my dream doesn't represent a dead end; it is a circle, which represents wholeness (I looked this part up). It shows that at the end my harrowing journey, full of doubt and confusion, that I've still managed to integrate all aspects of my being together - overcoming the challenges of a mental (stress from being lost), physical (climbing up hills), spiritual (letting go of my finals/tests/classes) variety, befitting of a heroic story.  And that once I've arrived at this higher plane of thought, the "new road" opening up in front of me from my dream doesn't represent a turnabout from the past, but now it has an even deeper meaning - it represents a new way of thinking that breaks away from the norms of the people I've met, one that brings me to an epiphany.

In light of this, I'm sorry for ever doubting myself. So here I declare again once and forever: Thumbs Down for The King's Speech!

[omg ... just how amazing was this dream analysis? I'm seriously proud of myself.]

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